Chasing rainbows through the mud
by Julie Verne
Summary: After the bad guy is arrested, Betty is left holding Kate in the hall.
1. Chapter 1

When Kate finally lets Betty go, it's reluctantly. She keeps hold of her friend's hand, doesn't step outside the safe circle of her scent. They're briefly debriefed by some man who quickly dismisses himself, undoubtedly off to process the new prisoner, to write a transcript of the confession, or maybe just to get some sleep. Betty squeezes Kate's hand, then slackens her grip, but Kate only tightens hers. Betty tightens her grip too, pleased that Kate hasn't completely withdrawn yet. That was the signal that Kate could let go of her hand, but Kate still hasn't, so she must still want this contact with Betty. Usually Betty pulls away first, but lately Kate's been pulling her back. Betty's pleased and uneasy, and the look of relief on Kate's face when she saw Betty in the hall will keep her confused for at least a week. The silence breaks when girls start streaming out of their rooms, asking questions Kate can't quite seem to answer. She lets Betty do the talking, and Ellen gives a low whistle.

It's not the full story, of course. Betty and Kate signed some papers, but the girls know enough that they can decipher for themselves the correlation between the man taken away and the explosion in the cafeteria.

The crowd disperses almost as fast as it had spawned, and Betty and Kate are relatively alone in the hall again, still holding hands.

"I should go," Betty says uncertainly. Her palm feels sweaty against Kate's right now, and she doesn't want to look where Kate's lipstick is still smeared. She wants to fix it, but she can't touch Kate's face. She wants to leave, but more than that she wants an invitation to stay.

"I don't want to go back in there," Kate whispers. "Can I go home with you?'' Betty's breath catches, Kate's hand tightens a little more on hers.

"Do you know what you're asking?" Betty asks, and Kate shakes her head slowly.

"I don't. But I can't stay here. Not without you," she adds hopefully, but this time Betty shakes her head.

"I'm not staying here." Betty pauses, bites her lip, glances at Kate's face (which is obviously a mistake because Kate's eyes are wide and moisture threatens to spill from them and Betty can tell Kate's only holding it together because they're still in the hall and she's ready to fall apart once shes behind a closed door but she doesn't want to go back into her room because of what just happened but she's so ready to fall apart that even the two feet to Kate's door might be a struggle for her so there's nothing Betty can do but nod a little reluctantly. She hasn't been avoiding Kate since they reconnected, but she hasn't sought out her company like she used to – not since the hospital, at least.) Kate's uncertain grin falters into a genuine smile and a tear or two run down her cheek, get caught on misplaced lipstick. Betty's free hand raises of its own accord and the pad of her thumb wipes its way down Kate's cheek, pulling away pink. Kate falls back into Betty's shoulder, her free hand a vise on Betty's shoulderblade. Kate's so obviously unsettled that Betty makes soothing sounds, turns her face away and holds Kate tighter. Betty's collar is moist when Kate finally pulls away, but neither of them mention it. Betty just pulls Kate along by their joined hands, down the stairs and out the front door.

Betty's place isn't as nice as the boarding house, but Kate likes it. It's a little chilly and run down, the wallpaper is mauve and the carpet chartreuse but it's better than staying in that room with the memories of what just happened. Kate takes a dressing gown from Betty and has a cold shower, scrubs at her face until her lips feel raw, scrubs at any place she can still feel those hands on her body. Betty's in her pyjamas when Kate gets back to the room, lying on her back on the bed, one ankle resting on one knee, cigarette dangling from her fingers as she stares intently at the ceiling - not even turning her head at Kate's entrance. Kate takes the cigarette and checks her face in the mirror.

There, in the lower left corner of the mirror, is the photo of herself. The one that sat in a box under her bed for months, the photo she used to pull out now and then, wondering what Betty saw in it; in her. She looks from the picture to her reflection; she's looking at a girl who never murdered anyone but she can't tell the difference from here.

Kate sits next to Betty, and for the first time that night Kate finally feels safe.


	2. Chapter 2

Betty swings her legs onto the floor, crosses to the dresser, takes out some pyjamas and throws them at Kate, who barely manages to catch them and has to move the cigarette out of the way. Betty turns her back as Kate shrugs off the dressing gown Betty loaned her.

It occurs to Kate that Betty could have given her the pyjamas in the first place, rather than the dressing gown but it's the habit from the boarding house that stops her from questioning Betty. The sleeves are too long; Betty's always bought large pyjamas and Kate has to roll the sleeves up several times. Kate thinks it's nice; the pyjamas smell like Betty and it's the most comforting thing she's ever worn. Kate pulls on the pants and starts buttoning the jacket as she tells Betty she can turn around.

It's nothing Betty hasn't seen before. Kate's sure Betty's seen every single scar, every single inch of her body in the showers at work but she still manages to blush like a mountie's uniform when she sees Kate's uncovered clavicle. Kate catches the look on Betty's face before Betty ducks her head. It's not a look she's seen on Ivan's face; he was frank in his admiration of her. It's a look she's only seen on Betty, and it speaks more of shame than indiscretion.

"Thank you." Kate says finally.

"They're just pyjamas," Betty shrugs.

"Thank you for taking care of me tonight."

"Seems you can take care of yourself. Heard most of what went on. Real proud of you."

"Couldn't have done it without you." Kate finds herself saying. Betty makes a disbelieving face, so Kate continues. "I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me. The service, as long as they got what they needed, would have let me drown in there. You were the only one on my team."

Betty rubs the back of her head with her hand. "Aw, it was nothing."

"It wasn't to me. And now I'm here, and not in my room that still smells like him. With my favourite person, who is the only person I can talk to about what just happened, and anything that's ever happened." Kate knows she's rambling a little, but she's so relieved to be somewhere _safe_ with _Betty_. She's also trying to convey the thanks she was never able to explicitly verbalise for Betty's willingness to do jail time for a crime Kate committed.

"D'ya wanna talk?" Betty asks cautiously, pouring a glass of whiskey. She pours another, knocks it back and refills the glass before bringing both glasses to the bedside table. She retrieves her cigarette from Kate and flings herself back on the bed. Kate sits next to her again, pretending not to notice when Betty shuffles away from her. Kate picks up her drink instead, passes Betty hers too.

"I thought he was onto me, I thought I was… I thought I was going to have to… to… let him…" Betty pauses before resting a hand on Kate's shoulder, the way she always pauses before touching Kate, to make sure she has time to move away before contact is made. But Kate doesn't move away; hasn't moved away since Betty got out of jail. Mostly she leans into the touch, to let Betty know it's welcomed, and she does that now. Betty's hand rubs gently across Kate's shoulders.

"It would never have come to that. I woulda killed him myself if the boys hadn't gone in."

"I never want you to kill someone for me." Kate says seriously with a shudder, but she understands what Betty means; Betty would have burst in ready to fight if Kate had so much as whispered 'help'. Kate knows that, and it was one of two reasons she agreed to the set-up, having Betty in a room nearby.

The other reason was Ivan. They were just repairing their friendship when this man ripped the life away from a man she had loved. Not just Ivan either; many of the girls were wounded. Kate's patriotic, but it wasn't patriotism that had her agree to the arrangement; it was comradeship and the promise of Betty's proximity.

"I never wanted you to kill someone for me either." Betty replies, emptying her glass again. She doesn't sound angry or upset, she sounds like she's saying something she thought she said a long time ago and is a little surprised that Kate didn't already know.

"I never wanted you to go to jail for that."

"I never thought you did. Just couldn't stand the thought of you in there, when you finally had everything you'd been missing for so long."

"I had nothing once you were missing," Kate says a little bitterly. Betty stands, refills her glass, pounds the drink down and pours herself another, like she can't do this sober.

"You had Ivan," Betty says mildly.

Kate downs her own drink. "Ivan left me once the rumours started. He never asked if they were true, he just broke it off. Maybe he saw something I didn't, but from then on I just had the factory and the taunts." She stands next to Betty, holds her glass out expectantly and sits back down once Betty pours her another.

"Your mother?"

"Went back to North Bay. She writes. She understands, I think. I told her. I told her what I did, what you did for me."

"She sent me a cake. No file in it, but a good cake." Kate nods. "Gladys?" Kate shrugs.

"She left the factory and I barely saw her." That surprises Betty a little; Gladys was in the visitor's room waiting for her every Sunday. For a prisoner, Betty got a lot of cake. Kate showed up a few times, but Betty never wanted Kate to see her like that; face bruised from another yard fight, ugly uniformed clothes, tired face. She didn't want to let Kate even think what it was like in there because she knew Kate, knew she'd go over that place in her mind, imagine what it would be like for her instead of Betty. So Betty hid out, ashamed of herself. She gave Vera and Gladys her new address when she got out; if Kate really wanted to see her, Betty had no doubt she knew who to ask.

Betty didn't have too rough a time of it in jail, but the rumours surrounding the case didn't help her any. She got jumped in the shower a few times but she took care of it herself. Another girl passed on a phone number and an address when she was getting out; she used to be a boxer and thought Betty had potential.

"There was nothing left for me out here with you in there." Kate says simply and finishes her drink, puts the cigarette in the ashtray. She slips under the covers and looks at Betty expectantly. Betty finishes her drink too, pulls on her dressing gown and sits herself in the chair by the door. She reaches over, turns on the lamp and turns off the overhead light.

"Goodnight, Kate," Betty says quietly as she digests that thought.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm not letting you sleep in a chair in your own bedroom. There's plenty of room and there's no one left to protect me from," Kate says gently, pulling the blanket back from the other side of the single bed. Betty knows there's not plenty of room; she's had women here before but she still gets up and curls up on the edge of the bed with her back facing Kate, tucking the blanket over her shoulder. Kate sighs, shifts toward Betty. From behind she runs a hand over Betty's hair, down to her shoulders, across her back and then over her ribs to her stomach. She pulls Betty back toward her, away from the edge of the bed.

"It's your bed." Kate says, shifting back and pulling Betty with her again.

"I'm protecting you from me," Betty growls and moves forward, back to the edge of the bed. She doesn't move Kate's hand, and Kate can feel how tense Betty is, how stressful it is for her. She smooths her hand over Betty's ribs in what she hopes is a comforting way but is obviously not, judging by the way Betty flinches and tenses again. Kate sighs.

"I have never, ever needed to be protected from you." Kate says simply. "And if either of us ever thought that, we were wrong."

Betty rolls over, considers Kate in the light of the lamp. Kate watches several emotions flicker across her face, fear being the primary. When Kate can't stand it anymore she leans forward and plants a kiss on Betty's cheek.

"I trust you. You've proven yourself to be trustworthy, over and over again." Betty looks stricken, so Kate repeats herself. "I trust you, Betty."

"Maybe you shouldn't," Betty chokes out.

"You've been nothing less than a gentleman to me."

"Except," Betty pauses, pushes herself further away from Kate.

"That was one time, Betty. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"I don't need to; your father did that for me," Betty says, but Kate just sighs and pulls Betty closer again. "Please stop," Betty says, stiffening. Kate stops but leaves her arm over Betty. Betty pulls Kate's arm off of her. "I can't do this. I can share a bed with you, probably, but you gotta stop doing that."

"Doing what?" Kate asks softly. Her eyes are soft and Betty almost falls for it.

"You know what you're doing. Sometimes I wonder if you knew all along."

"I'm tired. I'm scared. I want to sleep, but I can't do that without you tonight," Kate says firmly, ignoring the implications the way she always has. Kate knows how Betty feels for her. She was uncertain for a while because Betty cut all contact with her, would never come to the visiting room in jail when Kate came to see her, didn't tell Kate when she got out but ever since she showed up at Kate's door that morning before she started at the factory again, Kate's known. She's not trying to take advantage of it; not tonight, at least.

"And I can't sleep with you on top of me like that," Betty retorts.

"You know how I dream. I was hoping... if my mind knew you were next to me, it'd feel safe. Safe enough not to dream about this evening." Kate's dreams got worse when Betty was in jail, partially because Kate stopped drinking so much, partially because without Betty there Kate couldn't convince herself that Betty had survived her father because she no longer had tangible proof.

It's manipulation; Betty knows that as well as Kate does but if she'd just gone through what Kate had, she'd be wanting someone to watch over her too, to wake her up if her mind decided to re-enact the evening in her sleep. But she's not strong enough to let Kate cuddle her through the night. She's not strong enough to be this close to her and not touch her. She's not strong enough to be the kind of friend Kate needs tonight but she's the only friend Kate's got that knows anything about Kate or Marian so she makes an effort.

"I can stay here, but please keep your hands to yourself," Betty says shortly, and Kate giggles, honest to god giggles and Betty glares at her.

"Can I just…" Kate wends her fingers in between Betty's. Betty tightens her grip and Kate shifts backwards on the bed, away from Betty who moves forward to fill the now vacated space, getting further on the bed.

"Sweet dreams, Kate," Betty says quietly.

"The sweetest," Kate agrees, rubbing her thumb over Betty's.

When Betty's breath has deepened and her grip has loosened in Kate's hand, Kate scoots closer, pulls Betty's arm over her and puts her own hand back on Betty's back. Betty's asleep and all Kate can think of is the way that man looked at her tonight, like he knew what she was up to but was going to have some fun before he… disposed of her. So many people had already died at his hand, and Kate knows she could have been just another if it weren't for Gladys setting this up and Betty watching over her. She heard what Betty said, and any other night she would respect her wishes but tonight she needs Betty's breath on her face to remind her to breathe, Betty's hand on her waist to remind her that she's here, Betty's heartbeat to calm her own. When Betty wakes up, Kate will face the consequences but for now, Betty's been too far removed from her to sleep properly; has been for months. Betty used to be just across the hall if she needed anything; this is the first time Kate has been to her new place and she has needed so many things since Betty left.

Like an explanation of why she can't look away from Betty's mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

Betty doesn't mention the way Kate is wrapped around her in the morning, even though it's obvious Kate has been awake for some time, reveling in the security of Betty. Kate's head is on Betty's shoulder, her hand is fiddling with Betty's pyjama collar and her torso is pressed right up against Betty's, a leg flung over her. When Betty moves, Kate looks up at her and Betty has to swallow suddenly.

Betty just gently entangles herself and come back with two coffees. Kate sits up to drink hers, looking expectantly at Betty, expecting some sort of response and while Betty isn't exactly sullen, she's not talkative. She just props herself on the door and stares at her coffee. Kate sips hers; it's just how she likes it and it makes her ache a little that Betty still knows how she likes her coffee. There were moments when Kate would remember tiny things about Betty, chronicled somewhere in her brain, reminding her at inopportune moments. The way Betty held a pencil, her favourite brand of cigarette, her birthday, her favourite spot in the factory shower. When Kate looks up, Betty is still staring at her own coffee.

"Thank you for last night," Kate starts hesitantly. Betty grunts. "I'm sorry I took up so much space." Betty snorts because she knows Kate's apologising for crowding her in a way that makes it seem like it wasn't deliberate.

"You can't keep giving me false hope," Betty says, tightening her lower jaw in the way that Kate knows means Betty's said something she found difficult to say.

"I don't mean to," Kate says, thinking about how she can tell Betty it's not false, but Betty turns, hand on the doorknob, ready to walk away. "Stop. We're going to live together, Betty. We need to talk about this some time, why not now?"

"Because I know what you're going to say." Betty looks so crestfallen that Kate rushes forward and hugs her.

"You don't, or you wouldn't look like that." Kate murmurs and Betty freezes, not just at the contact but also at the words. Kate pulls back a little.

"I'm not saying… I'm not sure, but I feel… I feel better about you than I ever did about Ivan. I like being with you more than I liked being with him. You know who I am, even when I'm not sure. I don't want to put any pressure on this, but I don't want you to keep pulling away from me, to wait for me to come to you. I'm comfortable with you, Betty." Betty looks up, uncertain. "I think you're amazing." Kate says.

Kate's been kissed often enough now that she can see the warning signs. But Betty is still scared, she ducks her head and looks away and after what Kate said the last time Betty kissed her, Kate can understand why. Kate feels awkward when she cups Betty's face, because Ivan always cupped hers and she always hated having his hands that close to her throat and because she's never been this side of the face-cupping. The look on Betty's face when she meets Kate's eyes is one of the most beautiful things Kate's ever seen. It took Kate a while to notice that she thought that Betty was attractive, but now that she does, she knows she's never seen her more stunning than barefoot in her pyjamas and full of hope.

Betty's mouth is warm and wielding under Kate's mouth. Kate's been kissed by three people, Betty being one of them, but she feels powerful when Betty's knees give out a little and she has to steady her, hold her tight and upright while still pressing against her. She wonders briefly if this was how Ivan felt when he kissed her before she remembers he never made her knees weak. Kate ends up walking Betty backwards, backs her up against the wall before pulling away a little breathless to rest her forehead against Betty's.

"Wow," says Kate.

"Yeah… w-ow," Betty replies unsteadily. Kate has to prop her up again, hand on Betty's waist. Betty feels softer under her hand than Kate had let herself imagine. Kate isn't really sure what comes next, so she just kisses Betty until Betty seems to awaken from her daze and starts to take the lead. Betty's tongue surprises her initially but Kate rolls with it, lets Betty in between her teeth, gasps into Betty's mouth when Betty finally brings her hands into play and holds Kate tight against her.

"Are you sure?" Betty asks a few minutes later, her hands resting on Kate's lower back, under the pyjama top. Kate runs her thumb over Betty's cheek, pauses over her beauty spot before brushing her lips. She nods, biting her own lip. Betty sighs and pulls her hands away. Kate looks at her, confused. "We've got all the time in the world. I don't want to rush you because you had a stressful night; I want to court you properly. Let me take you out for dinner?" Kate just laughs, tangles her hands in Betty's.

"You've been courting me for years, Betty," Kate tells Betty, eyes sparkling.

* * *

"We'll be alright, won't we?" Kate asks much, much later. Betty just nods and nuzzles deeper into Kate's shoulder.

* * *

FIN


End file.
